For anyone who decideds to follow my blog I appreciate your time in reading about my chaos
I feel I havent most of my life stuggling with the simpliest of things, whether it be having coffee with a friend or making a speech at a wedding, all cause me angst
After many years I finally saw a thereapist and was diagnosied with borderline personality disorder
For those of you unsure what that is let me give you a bridf clinical description:
"Borderline personality disorder is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions, such as feelings about themselves and others.
These inner experiences often cause them to take impulsive actions and have chaotic relationships.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors
The causes of borderline personality disorder (BPD) are unknown. Genetic, family, and social factors are thought to play roles.Risk factors for BPD include:
- Abandonment in childhood or adolescence
- Disrupted family life
- Poor communication in the family
- Sexual abuse
Symptoms
People with BPD are often uncertain about their identity. As a result, their interests and values may change rapidly.People with BPD also tend to see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. Their views of other people may change quickly. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down on the next day. These suddenly shifting feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships.
Other symptoms of BPD include:
- Fear of being abandoned
- Feelings of emptiness and boredom
- Frequent displays of inappropriate anger
- Impulsiveness with money, substance abuse, sexual relationships, binge eating, or shoplifting
- Intolerance of being alone
- Repeated crises and acts of self-injury, such as wrist cutting or overdosing
Signs and tests
Like other personality disorders, BPD is diagnosed based on a psychological evaluation and the history and severity of the symptoms.Treatment
Many types of individual talk therapy, such as dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), can successfully treat BPD. In addition, group therapy can help change self-destructive behaviors.In some cases, medications can help level mood swings and treat depression or other disorders that may occur with this condition.
Expectations (prognosis)
The outlook depends on how severe the condition is and whether the person is willing to accept help. With long-term talk therapy, the person will often gradually improve.Complications
- Depression
- Drug abuse
- Problems with work, family, and social relationships"
Now I am sure you are wondering why I am writing this all down. Well i dont see a therapist and would love some feedback.
My life feel chaotic, I feel like i am in a tail spin and no matter what I do I cant get myself out of the feelings.
Yes I am on meds, and that has helped a great deal, but my mind still wanders, still is filled with anxiety over simple everyday things
I love being with groups of friends but then I think they are excluding me even if they arent
I find I am fille dwith anxiety about trying to make a good impression and see if I can be the life of the party but I put too much stress on myself and to cope I drink, I drink alot,. I drink more than I should
Yes I have been diagnosed as a alcoholic too. This I wont seek treatment for. I love to drink. it eases my anxiety, makes me happy, and helps to make myself the life of the party that I strugggle for when I do not drink. I guess everyone struggles with wanting to be liked, wanting to hold everyonees attention, wanting to be the one that makes people laugh but I do more so than others.
But I have slowed down as my age has taken its toll on me and drinking now produces such hangovers that I almost choose not drink anymore,But I would be lying if I said I didnt drink anymore I just said did say almost!!
So if you want to hear more, if you want to know how I cope, if you suffer from any of the same symptoms, please right and lets get a conversation going..........
